Saturday, October 1, 2011


I have been thinking to write this for so long a very long time.. but somehow words failed.. or may be plain laziness I am not sure why..

Any way,  an incident provoked it.. A small incident.. here it is…

Although I don’t get very close or personal to many of my office colleagues, I do get along very nicely with them.. so, we.. a small group of ladies of different age went down for Ice cream.. 2 of them were married ladies, and among them there is one, I admire the most, I like her for her talent in work and also because of her uniqueness, she is married and behaves so too.. but being in a corporate world, she interacts very well with everyone, including guys, and I don’t see there is any problem with that.. we are not in the 60’s were it is unthinkable.. we are in a world were every one is equal.. So coming back to……. Ice cream, we saw a colleague (a male) and my friend invited him too.. since he was busy he politely refused..

A GIRL in the group suddenly commented “why do you always want men around you.. why not behave like a married woman..” (well I polished her words a bit.. ) My friend just smiled and shrugged her shoulder and walked off.. she thinks the girl is too little  (chinna ponnu) and forgave her.. but my emotions were not so calm like hers..  I felt like knocking her down.. (that is exactly what I felt..) but when the accused and defendant has no issues I didn’t have much to do there also  my previous experiences of stepping in front for some one always ended in me being clobbered.. I am gifted with a  face that cannot mask my feelings and so are my words, at times very brutally honest... could be my negative character.. never mind.. I don’t give much thought to it..  I couldn’t stop the stare that escaped me.. but the waves doesn’t stop in my head.. the frustration too..

What on earth!.. why this discrimination? As far as I know what a married women should never do.. is only one thing.. having an affair that damages her life.. that again is her own problem.. we people just waste so much of our time on peeking into others life, and enjoying their sorrow.. that is how, many are brought up.. talking in hush hush tone about our neighbors and then fake smiling in their presence.. A girl shouldn’t talk freely to a guy.. a widow shouldn’t dress attractively.. divorced girls are provocative and bad.. What the hell.. disgusting..

Coming back.. My married friend said that the GIRL was just 23 and not experienced in life.. Is experience needed To talk sensibly? Is experience really needed to respect people for what they are.. I am not preaching good qualities here.. but we can very well respect people for the qualities they exhibit to us.. (not the fake ones.. believe me we can easily distinguish fake smiles and comments too!!)

People keep saying that men don’t respect us and humiliate us.. come on! Do we respect the fellow female? If we cant understand another girl how will a man? Are all the girls in saree angels? And jeans makes a girl cheat? Why this stereotype? Isn't the virtue inside that determines the character? And outfit doesn’t matter.. In train one day I overheard a girl advising her male friend not to marry a girl just because she is modern… Duh!!!! Why does the so called "On Par with western" education not changing the basic nature?

Every girl has a circle around her, the circle of confidence.. she lets a few inside.. the radius may differ, like for some, even a handshake is a no no..  for others the radius is bigger.. dressing too.. is according to her convenience.. just because a guy gawks at a girl in shorts doesn’t make her bad..  Even if we don’t respect her.. its better to leave them to carry on with their life and take care of our own life.. after all every ones sorrows are their own only, no one can share it!


  1. Very well said, we(Indians) are raised like that,and we become hypocrite in our later life, and we waste our time and energy in interfering others personal matters and judge everything based on our own assumptions and interpretations.

  2. A good analysis.Best policy would be to ignore such foolish people and give them a wide berth.

  3. A good view point. But there are some cases out there who can't talk sense and blabber utter non-sense. It depends on the individual how she carries herself. And this got nothing to do with she being good or bad. Its the inner character that determines this.

    We are in 21st century and everybody knows what would be the limit (as you've mentioned - the radius) that others can enter in to this circle]. And commenting on this would be a clear show-off of their ignorance and foolishness!!

  4. Dear KP

    That was a good read and one to be thought of... have seen that many-a-times myself. I could relate to it. If women don't understand women, how can one expect man to understand her better?

    Thanks for your visits and inspiring commnents.
    Do keep visiting dear:)


  5. Blah!
    Get that creep in front of me, will you please >:<

    I am a flirt by nature, and I am using that word deliberately because that's what people call me too. Married women in my previous job could not stand me, because I used to hang out with guys and go for drinks too. They should be dragged to this part of the woods and show, drinking does not mean you sleep or get in someone's pants. And men never cared if I went and drank with them, but some did frown and some even mentioned, though they do not mind me accompanying them, they would certainly get worried if their wives did the same! Double standards? I call this not standard at all.

    My husband goes for drinks and here when my friends came home, they hug and kiss bye, my female friends did that to my husband, does that make him any less of a good husband or me any less of a wife? :-/

    We need to get over this little things, there are way better stuff to worry about.

    And please give that 23 years girl my blog link, I should fix her :-|

    Love to you! I am glad you shared, and your shared it rather respectfully, I would have totally raped her.

    Chintu Singh

  6. By the way, that first case is from Bangalore and second from London.

  7. and apologies for some silly typos...:) and for spamming the comments section :D

  8. Hi magiceye - thank you..

    Hey Bhupendra - exactly and we forget to live.. and even when we do, we depend on others words, like what will they say and so on.. thanks for the visit and comment..

    Hey Partha - Ya.. ignore and forget.. like the friend of mine.. I can ignore and forgive too.. but cant forget.. he he

    Hi Anand - Exactly, you have said it correctly, thanks..! its nice to see sensible guys out there..

  9. this is one of the things that I DON'T like about our country..... People talk about others but never consider what they are doing. They consider a girl is bad if she wears jeans. But is gossiping wrong thing about others a good habit?? I mean...ridiculous.

    It reminded me a story that happened to one of my close friend. Her father is in army and that time where she used to stay, there were only guys (or I think most of them) of her age and younger. She told me that she used to play with those guys (she was in her early teenage). Whenever she used to play hide and seek and hide behind some bushes with a boy, some horribly disgusting females used to pass comment that "what is she doing behind that bush with that guy"!! You got what she wanted to say, right?? And that friend used to be with me all the time at school. I know her very well. She is such a sweetheart and a very nice and simple and decent and honest and what not!!! People talk wrong things about good people only. Good people never talk such ridiculous things about others.

  10. Hey Deepa - that is exactly what i wanted to say! thanks for the visit, and ya.. i like your blog too..ur Goddess mural work was too good..! I wish I know you in person he he

    Hey Sneha - Ya u r right.. its nice that many are realizing this now a days.. we are growing.. he he

    So bad about your friend though.. talking like that about a kid is very bad.. its the problem with the eye.. take care dear

  11. Hi Chintan - Exactly, we say we have developed, but the mind still remains narrow.. rather than minding others, why not look at improving own lives.. right.?

    Such people who talk like that should be just jelous and misinterprets friendship, coz they dont get the needed attention, that might be the reason for such words, no one can cover their body and call themselves clean! when they let their mind wander..

    And more than anything its their interest in misjudging bothers me, why not stop judging completely.. right..

    Loved your comments.. and that is exactly what I wanted to convey too..

    Let just leave her! I can visualize her situation in ur hands.. he he..

    take care..


  12. I think we need to grow, dresses, age, martial status are not the parameters to judge someone. Also, I believe those who are hollow and free in life, think in this manner.

  13. In some Indian towns, girls start talking to guys only AFTER they get married. Till their wedding, they like to go around with a touch-me-not attitude - chaste appearance and all that crap.

    I wonder why women can't be like men. Men, young or old, talk to other men only if they have no choice. :))) Men, young or old, love talking to a woman.

    Should a woman trust a man? Well, only as much as a man can trust a woman...:)))))))

    Oye KP, I think you are too serious about this...there are idiots in every group...

  14. While your emotions strike me, I can understand the mature response of your friend also. Partly I think Chennai is too conservative to take these things in stride. I like the way the way you have concluded- every girl has a circle of confidence; and we should respect the same.

  15. People like this 'girl' are in each one of us at some point of time or the other. We need to understand how foolish this is and mature our thought process.
    Great post.

  16. straight from the heart! stereotyping is a thing of passe..v need to widen our dimensions and respect others freedom as much as v desire ours to be respected.
    And I really liked the point u made - if we can't respect a fellow woman , y make such a hue and cry wen men don't behave sensibly with them?
    *applause* :))


  17. Wow! I! Such bold statements! You completely rocked it KP! Just told the truth with much honesty and respect!....and that she from some 15th century? Such narrow mindedness deserves instant attacks! It is these types of women who impede the real progress of women in this country....shameful!

    Thanks a lot for sharing this experience and expressing your clear cut bold views in a clear cut way! Adored it!

  18. Liked the post. And I firmly believe- your anger and frustration is justified. Women are always complaining about men. Which is right in some ways but- Women don't know how to behave with women too!

    No. We don't need experience to act sensibly. We need respect for one another and empathy- being able to see the other person's point of view. The problem is people are too busy making statements that will make them sound cool or funny- all they care about is few people laughing about what they say- and think of they as humorous people. Anyway- we cannot make other's think better. I leave it at that. Harbor no anger.

    "The one that can wound another with words- needs to heal from within."

  19. so true, and most of the time its women who pull down or demean other women... it spathetic, but i love the factthat the married woman took a very mature stance.
    well written..:)

  20. I second that. I agree with every word you have written. It is not about experience. It is all about being judgmental and low mentality level. Such girls really need to grow up and not daemon others and look down on them like this. Aargh…it irks me.

  21. Beautifully jotted down, btw what does 'chinna ponnu' mean?

  22. Some people have that thing of not thinking before they spurt out whatever comes to their mind. I guess, that happens on lot these days. Good morning btw. :)

  23. It has not been said simply that a woman is woman's worst enemy. Why blame men when we have our sex working against us?

  24. Bleh feeling this. Some people are don't seem to have much control over their thoughts or their tongue.

  25. that was very well written and expressed.
    I too belong to that married lady category, ignoring stupid people for what they say to me about my certain things and decisions because I know when I am right, I have nothing to be afraid of and also am not bound to listen to their foolish comments, as deep down somewhere they too know that I am right and it's just their frustration that they can't be that right, that speaks :)

  26. Loved the last two para! Very well said!

  27. Hi Saru - Yes, i accept, but isn't there a "Why Girl" in all of us?

    Hi Arjun - he he though u remarked in a funny way, I realize that is true.. I am cool now..!

    Hi Hariji - Yes, and my be that is why my emotions are boiling, when she remains that calm, we all care for our friends right..! thank you sir.. i just wrote what I felt..

  28. Hi Jojo - Yep exactly, we have a bit of the character in all of us, and the realization is that matters, U stole the thunder of my next post.. I was about to write the exact same words u commented, may be I can borrow..

    Hey Sara - well said dear, well said, loved ur comment..

    Well Nasnin - we cant help it, in a jingle all animals should live in harmony, but the jungle is not just outside us, but within our self too.. thank U dear.. have a wonderful day!

  29. Hey Sameera - I accept the second point u said, i have met people like that too, just showing off and wantedly hurting others.. cant help it dear..

    Hi Menachery - Me too felt the same way, and may be that is why i shared..

    Hi Life unordinary - thank u for the visit and comment..

    Hey Megha - cool down dear.. all I can say is there is a part of this GIRL in most of us, knowingly or unknowingly we react.. thanks for the visit and comment...

    Hi Aakash - thank you.. "Chinna ponnu" in Tamil means "small girl"

  30. Hi Kumar - Well.. Have seen many like that and I was like that too prev, use my mouth to think.. but gladly changed.. Good evening to you.. ;)

    Hi zephyr - yep, I agree, thanks..

    Hi Zeba - Blah.. he he I understand.. :)

    Hi Smitha - There is no harm in talking as long as we know what we are.. proud of u!

    Hey Bagya - thank you dear..

  31. this is really a provoking fact! very true! well said KP :) happy to see broad minded thoughts :)

  32. Hi KP, you're tagged here... :)

  33. Hey Sowmya - glad it is accepted this widely.. and by you..!

    Hi Anand - thank uuuuuuuuuuuu..!

  34. I know. I have experienced this too. Talk to a male colleague people start seeing you like you are cheating on your spouse. All those back talks. YUCK!
    I go right up to them and ask what is their problem!
    I would have smashed that girl down!

  35. Hey Sahana chill dear..! Yep we all need to change a lot.. and escape from the prejudiced core to look beyond.. isn't there a "Why Girl" in all of us?

  36. As I say about myself 'am decent' but how much I am - the girls quite know. Flirt that I am, but in articulate ways, I am accepted. But u need to know where to draw the line - it varies from girl to girl or from woman to woman for that matter. :)

  37. We are all right.. but I percieve that there is a part of us, that still bears these prejudices.. like HER! and Basil you know youself and that means that your lines are thick and strict..

  38. Hi krishna,

    Wooh! I have faced plenty of such situations in my life. Few were on me and few on others. I exactly react the way you do. your personality and mine are exactly same regarding 'the face which cannot mask the feelings'.

    I could realize it when I saw ur profile, we both are leos..... haha.. our nature is as such.

    - Vrinda

  39. Hi Vrinda.. ha ha! leos pride! but my friend here is also a leo.. a subtle one I guess.. ;) thanks a lot for the visit dear!

  40. Hey KP ..Indeed a well kept story and you have explained the angst of a women in a gentle way..

    This is Venkatesh from Charlotte,NC,USA