Sunday, August 7, 2011

Just a wish..

I wish I was just blank with no thoughts.. just like a fallen leaf.. but no.. this was not granted. All the wishes are not granted are they?

Mine were granted until I turned 20 and then I didn't know what to wish for.. it was easy before that.. wishing for a doll.. for good marks.. wishing for not getting scoldings for forgetting the homework, for new dress the wish were simple, but I thought they were too much for the mighty God.. so at times I bargained with him, I remember saying "If you let the teacher take leave today, I wouldn't fight with my brother any more..." how silly of me.. But it is nice to be silly and think silly than to not to be silly and act silly still.. right?

Courtesy: Google search
But then as I grew older my beliefs were questioned.. who am I wishing to? Is God really out there? If so does he not know what is good for me? then why are some suffering and some happy..why do we leave for the society? Why fearing the rules created by another Man? when we don't fear the so called rules created by GOD? I tried to search the truth.. then started to explore religion.. when it comes to religion I like it better to listen than read.. I listened.. to my friend talk about Bible and Noah and apple.. I watched "Passion of Christ" with unbatted eyes, I heard Islam.. I saw Sulfi.. Nirvana.. Raja yoga.. karma yoga..  Bagavadgita.. Ramayana.. Mahabaratha..

But yes I was not successful in reaching any where for I am lazy.. to reach the end.. or was I afraid to know till the end.. or is it so intellectual that it does not enter the idiotic mind of mine? then something strikes me.. the "Do your duty" part in gita.. this confuses me, how do I know which is my duty? how do I know if I am destined to perform the act or not? how do I know?

These are just the questions of a silly girl..asking this question is like sitting in Kinder garden and talk about Master degree syllabus.. and would be answered only if I explore more and more and more.. but still I am lazy.. and tired.. with life and its twist and turn.. and as I stand helplessly having no control over the life.. I couldn't help but wonder.. is this my duty..

I really don't know why I am writing this.. or why any one should read this.. but then as I said I am confused and I am not BLANK.. I still wish I was...


  1. I remember I used to make wishes in the same way you described here when I was young.... But now I feel in the same way....again the same way you described. :-)

  2. A delightful rambling that was nevertheless rivetting.I like your racy style

  3. Hi KP,

    Good to read this...

    Have you understood the process of maturing? Or, why adults put down the troubles and protests of adolescents?

    With age, we find the easy way to do things. That is why, I think. We lose the power to question, the power to discard popular beliefs, the power to take the road less traveled. I guess that is also why the best mathematicians and scientists do their best work before 30.

    It is great that you are not BLANK...:)


  4. That was a nice read...I wish i knew the answers too...


  5. All of these is but part of growing up.. no one will reach the end of the tunnel.. just because there is no end.. and no beginning.. its all about self realisation, which is finding oneself in one, making oneself happy by nourishing one's soul; by knowing one's goal beyond materialism; seeing one as part of a whole.. and fitting the jigsaw puzzles with others who represent the other parts of the whole..its all about being one with the world and loving the whole..
    more ramblings, na?
    well, you are responsible dear KP.. u ignited my mind too
    good job dear, keep it up!

  6. Hi Sneha – Wow! so we both feel the same way.. huh! Nice to hear that!

    @ partha – Thank U.. Glad that it was delightful..! coz in my head it sounded nothing like delight! :)

    @ Arjun – Hiii… Yes.. As u say aging is not just maturing right.. But I think that we don’t lose the power to question and discard popular beliefs .. But I guess that we lose the interest to question and become lazy or held up with the complex life.. Oh my do I sound like an adolescent.. coz I am not one…! :)

    @ SUB – thanks for the visit. Yea rite! We all do.. don’t we?…

    @ Pygma – thank u… I am really proud that I was able to ignite those views, coz they are so profound and strong thoughts!

  7. These are not the questions of a silly girl dear...the girl is intelligent and since the questions:-)

  8. Aww Dear Nasnin.. you do know to make me smile dont u! :D

  9. Thank u.. I can relay on a friend..:)

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  11. Hey KP.....this one sounded as if I was reading a poem...
    Good one!!!!

  12. Hey Hemant.. thanks a lot.. for dropping by.. very happy that you liked it!

  13. Answers..... before we look for answers, i believe, we should ask ourselves, are what we asking questions, or doubts. there is a subtle yet existent difference in the two... in the latter, we the former, we question.

    and doubts have no answer, ever... even looking for them is a vain attempt. we create our own doubts, and we ourselves will have to dispense then.

  14. Ya jojo u r rite..! but certain doubts and many questions will eventually unwind before us with the truth or per say the answer..

    U added a different angle to it.. thank u for that!