Wednesday, June 29, 2011

No regrets...

"Please stop blabbering.. I told u a million times this is not possible"
"Why is not possible"
"Because I don’t want it to happen... understand.." snapped Veena and walked off as Nikil stood there helplessly.
He ran behind her and caught up, "Why do you run away from me like this? what is wrong in accepting Veena.."
She didn’t stop she kept walking
"Are you going to stop? Veena.. Veena" he grabbed her arm.. Just like old times...

But she didn’t smile like usual, rather she stared at him with those big eyes, which were welling up with tears.. As a drop flew through her cheeks, he felt terrible. He let go off the grip and sat down in the nearby bench in that deserted part of the park. It was early morning and only a few were taking their casual morning stroll in the park.

Nikil sat there wrapping his face with his hands, he thought that Veena would have left long ago.. It was terrible to have lost her the first time.. why did he do that.. he cursed himself and opened his eyes to see her standing there. She was staring at a small insect crawling in the floor with silent tears, she didn’t care to wipe them.

She had changed a lot from an outgoing confident girl to a sad and depressed one, there was this permanent sadness in her eyes, that she couldn’t hide with her fake smile. She had reduced a lot of weight from the last time he saw her. It was because of him, he knew it. He felt guilty. He calmed down a bit and asked her to sit. She obeyed, they sat there for some time. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to her, what will he say, how will he convince her? It has been more than an year since he went on his own way leaving her and cursing her. He decided never to come back for her. But an email he received last month reversed everything. That was a simple wedding invitation and a small NOTE from Arun. Arun who according to Nikil was the reason for all these sufferings. He read the note over and over and over again, until the words started to fade in his eyes, that was when he realized that he was crying, he started off the next day in search for her, it was not easy, she had changed her number and her house. He couldn’t spot her in Orkut or facebook. He knew that she hated social networking. He sat down to write her a mail, but can he convey what he wanted to in a mail? Some how finally he found her office address.

When he reached their and sat in the reception he felt the same nervousness that he felt when he met her the first time before 2 years, but this time it was entangled with desperation. When she walked out just a look at her told him that she has not got over him.. and the moment she saw him, she shuddered for a second but composed herself.. and met him with a straight face. It took a long time for him to pursue her to meet in the park the next day and when he did meet her, he was speechless. He would have even fell on her feet.. for.. this 1.5 years were terrible for him too.. He missed her eyes.. her long curly locks.. her baby fights.. her resistance and teasing smiles.. which turned him on instantly.. her smell.. her touch… her body.. her hugs.. He missed her! Every day every single moment.. He regrets those lonely nights where he cursed her for no mistake of hers.. now he cursed himself for being such a cheap male chauvinist.

Now he saw her as pure as she was.. as pure as she always was.. He summed up the courage and asked “Where you able to forget me?”. Veena looked up, her face was blank with no emotions yet her eyes gave away and she stared down again.. “Did you” he questioned again.. “You think I can?” murmured her lips.. His heart felt heavy and his eyes welled up again and again. He kneeled down and asked, “So, can you forgive me for what I did? Can you forgive the stupid mind of mine that doubted you.. your integrity.. your pure friendship with Arun?” he paused and heaved a heavy breath.. it was difficult to speak in between tears.. “Can you give me a second chance?? Please Veena Please…” She broke down in front of him.. she sat down beside him.. closing her face with her bright red saree border. She sobbed and sobbed heavily.. the same way she cried the night he left her..

After what seemed to be an eternity she stopped, she closed her eyes and prayed to God to give her strength to face him.. for she had forgiven him a hundred times now.. and all she wanted was to run into his open arms and everything would be alright.. “Should I?” she thought to herself.. and thus she spoke…

“Nikil.. forget and forgive huh? How can I? I still remember that night… Nikil.. everything was fine then you rang me up to say that you are leaving.. and is done with me.. I was shell-shocked.. had no idea what you meant.. But knew that you were serious… I cant remember how I reached home.. but I saw you pack up your belongings and leave in that truck. The way you stared at me.. the venom of hatred spilling from your eyes.. The emptiness of the house engulfed me… I was not just a mere girl friend of yours to f*** and forget.. I was your WIFE…!!! You doubted your wife and didn’t care for an explanation.. How I struggled from then on.. how many times I wanted to end my life.. and those difficult times of counseling and bad mouthing from you relatives.. I survived.. all of those situations… not for this awkward moment of realization and regret.. Now what made you realize? Oh! Arun’s wedding invite.. Why don’t you think that he dumped me.. and carry on with your life?”

Nikil stammered overwhelmed with regret.. the bitterness in her words.. in her eyes.. “There.. there was a note too..”. Her heart sank.. “For a second there Nikil I thought it was self induced remorse.. God help me.. you never change.. hmmm... (pause) I want to live Nikil.. Just live.. with no hopes.. no aim.. no love.. no regret.. just live a honest life for my own self… I don’t see you in that life… I don’t want you in there.. so go… never come back..”

Saying so she moved away from his life entirely.. alone yet not lonely.. broken but confident for she had said what she wanted to.. There was no regrets.. just the life ahead… the newly born life…


  1. As usual good narrative. The girl who finally decides to escape from the male chauvinism even though she loves him truly...though we love some people we are not destined to live with them for they cannot fully recognize us, they are immersed and blinded by their own self ego an conditioning...these are the thoughts that went through me when I read this piece. The story has a good content, the feeling is conveyed properly. Good imagination. Expecting new narrative techniques from can do it...keep writing!

  2. Hey Nansin.. Thank you.. When I heard the story in my head.. it made my heart ache.. But I am not sure if I did justice by penning it down.. and I am not sure if the required amount of impact is created in the reader.. what do you think?

  3. The story did touch my have that natural flair for telling a story in the required manner. So I think you have done justice to the theme. But improvement is limitless in the case of creative writing. Words can be constructed and reconstructed endlessly for achieving that intended beauty...and that can be possible by continuous writing...write and write:-)

  4. Hey Thank u dear..!
    Yep you are 100% rite.. only practice makes a man/woman perfect ;-)

  5. Thank you Prabha.. happy that you liked it..

  6. A well written story.If there was a true remorse and a sincere attempt to ascertain the truth,things would not have come to such a pass.One should not doubt spouse's integrity so casually.You brought the wife relationship at the end making Nikhil's act all the more undesirable.

  7. Hi Partha.. thanks for the review..
    even if the remorse is sincere I don't know if the shattered pieces of life can be fixed.. damage once done is done.. isn't it?

  8. Touching... liked the fact that she didn't go back to him.

  9. Hey Jojo.. thank you.. yes.. certain wounds wont heal... glad u liked it!!

  10. Gripping story line, words knitted well.
    Loved it!