Saturday, December 3, 2011

In Between

{Fiction} 

There was nothing new in the journey back home; it was just like every other day. While I was mechanically driving the car, she was calmly reading a novel. She had been reading it for the past one week, day and night that almost three fourth of it was already complete, but still she held on to it selfishly like a life jacket and read on. I had once asked her what is was about, and she said building a church. I was amused to see my wife, who can get bored by my analytical skill to be entranced by a book that talked about buildings and church; God was another thing that got her bored. She does bow down in front of the beautiful deities every morning, but never has her eyes filled with tears or her face bore a look of pain. She prays for the sake of praying, some habits die hard.. 


Her face was a symbol of calmness and she seldom animates her beautiful flawless features. But when she does, then it was about something she was passionate about, books or stories. For all other talks, she was solemnly peaceful, I wondered how she survived at office or how others endured her. At times she resembled an epitome of amity, that I wanted to bow down in front of her and pray, as if she was a Buddhist monk. Greedily I wished that she would become a monk one day, and I can earnestly worship her body, with the lust free affection that I always felt for her, that the failure of arousal can be blamed to her godly appearance.

She broke the chain of my thoughts by a smile, saying “That is his favourite song”. I strained myself trying to get the song that had already reached mid-way and I had to wait longer to get to hear the first few lines to understand it. I never was a master of music.. Ah! I remember this song, a neat composition, I had actually liked it, but who was this “HE”. 

“Who?” my words came out as a half whisper and half question.
There was a look of surprise in her eyes, like I already knew him. She might have mentioned him and I might have missed and overlooked it and washed it in my own thoughts of mad river. I rarely listened to her. As I stared at her now, I could see that the lips were moving, and her eyes sensuously vibrant, her hands moved up and down, she was telling something, may be about him, about how they met or more, but my ears failed to listen, my mind failed to work.

The car had slowed down and jerked to a stop on the road side long ago, I was not sure when, I sat dumbstruck at her animated speech. The innocence in her eyes didn’t register the look of disgust and jealousy in my eyes, disgust over myself and jealousy at this someone who was not just someone. Everything went silent; many questions ran through my mind, the helplessness struck me like a lightning and I sat in silence. She jerked me and looked questioningly at the road. I started the car reflexively and drove off.  The blanket of silence heavily covered us for the rest of the journey..

32 comments:

  1. I want to be the first one to comment!

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  2. Yae....after a long time I was the first one to comment here....:)
    Now let me move to the fiction....It's a short crispy piece...and specially I liked the narration(as always)! The silence in between the couple is well printed it the gap in between the narration:) I could sense that bareness in their relationship in the way you sculptured the piece! One of the nicest ones dear:)

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  3. And oh...one more thing....the second and the third para is so beautifully penned:) I read it a couple of times:)

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  4. OOOOPSSS!.... it's the second and the last para..."slip of fingers"! Pardon me for this mess here;)

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  5. A sensitive subject you have deftly handled leaving the readers in no two minds.
    A beautiful story well narrated.

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  6. Hey Nasnin - It was not just about an estranged relation, but its about the different level of love, that I tried to pen down here..
    I am not just happy to have u as the first person to read it.. but also as the most commented person other than me in the post..!! :)

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  7. Hi Partha - Ah.. it was highly sensitive and kind of a controversy so i had to leave certain things to be cracked by the readers.. Thank you!

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  8. I liked the narration but if left we with more questions than I expected. Again new kind of story. :)

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  9. Very nice snapshot...enjoyed reading this...

    The first half is very delicately done and real. Of course, the reader begins to think that she could be frigid and monk-like till the second half.

    But, I have a problem with the second half...will she talk about "him"? I mean, if the husband found her passionate writing about him, I could understand. But will this woman talk about "him" to this antiseptic-type of hubby?

    Well done...keep writing !!!

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  10. Talking about him when she was lost in herself or was not aware of his presence. May be both...liked the ending!

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  11. very sensitive and well-knit portrayal of the couple...well done :-)

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  12. loved the way you have potrayed the void between them , the away you mentioned about how he doesnot bother to listen etc :) .. nice ... but greedy as i am .. i wish there was more :P

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  13. wow...loved the way you wrote it...awesome :)

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  14. Hi Sameera - Thank u dear.. I couldn't give the full story coz I didn't know how!! so I wrote it in such a way that people take it in their own ways!! :)

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  15. Hi Arjun Mashe - That of course is a valid concern.. came up in my mind too! But what if she was utterly innocent? or what if he was that friendly that she thought of him as a friend and friend only..? What if she wanted him to feel the jealousy by telling a imaginary encounter? (she reads a lot.. that is possible too) what If u accept the above said..!! :) moreover he doesn't show her his reaction.. never letting her know the pain he is in.. So whose fault is it anyway? his or her???

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  16. Hey Saru - Thanks dear.. I dont know either.. ;)

    Hi Rahul - Thanks a lot!!

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  17. Hi Menachery - oh..! that is sweet.. I wished too!! :)

    Hi Sub - Wow.. glad u liked it!! It did raise a bit of concern here and there..! :)

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  18. Brilliant one KP
    You are shining dear
    I am so glad and awaiting the next gem in the garland..
    This one touched me personally tooo.. I felt she was me from the beginning, but I lost her somewhere..

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  19. A great narration and kept me on hooked! Enjoyed it!

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  20. Something different from the normal reads I have been doing all this day. It is well composed and crisp. Loved the essence.

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  21. your words are so intense and vivid kp.
    Its totally awesome :)

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  22. aaaaaaaaaaah...!! loved it..
    i was errmm u know..like devouring this story..
    was desperate to read what happens at the end..!!
    your stories are simply brilliant lady..!!
    they have me hooked..:)

    cheers !!

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  23. Hi Pygma - This was my first attempt to write about a broken relationship from the persons point of view, and very very happy that it touched you..!! When I started writing I felt the same way that I could connect with her.. but in the mid way I lost her too! May be its because of him.. in spite all his issues, we tend to feel sad about him.. don’t we? Thanks a lot for the support dear.. I know its not flawless and would love to get some critical remark from u!

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  24. Hello Rahu Bhatia - Thanks a lot!

    Hey Ashwini - I am just experimenting dear.. glad u liked it!!

    Hi Bagya - Thanks a million dear..!!

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  25. I am left speechless after reading. splendid! and as usual, attention to details. felt like i was there, witnessing it all.
    Keep writing and keep your readers amazed.

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  26. Struck a chord :) second Pgy..about the personal touch :)

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  27. I came late at your post and missed the earlier one too and i wish to read it soon..
    though where i strike i thought to read :)

    This whole thing is done at such ease as always..and i can totally make out a picture of it..and as usual you write beautiful and i love it :)

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  28. OK..I am here again.. :D
    And again I have a question.. :P

    First you mention that she is reading a book. A book, unlike her character. And then, in the midway, she remembers him, listening to a song.

    Are they book, the song, and He somehow related?

    May be, May be not..I think it is left to the reader to interpret.

    But again, a simple touching story. :)

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  29. Engaging and beautifully written. I was so lost in the narration in the first reading that i overlooked some of the things. Will have to re-read it to understand it fully. Good one.

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  30. I nominated you for an award. Please go check it out at the following link.
    http://writerprabhavathi.blogspot.com/2011/12/award-time.html

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