Monday, April 9, 2012

Restless

I felt it again today, the constricted feel in my chest.. no amount of water or medicine would make it go away.. it stayed.. and pained.. The restlessness. I felt it when I saw the little girl get into the car with a man in the middle of the night.  She was not so little, might be in her early twenties. She looked like a girl of thirteen, lost in a big fair.. her features still has not lost its innocence, although her eyes and heart had.

Traveling at night was not my option, the darkness scares me, like there was still something lurking behind those dark drapes ready to ambush my heart. But my I.T job demands it and I don’t hesitate now. Nights to be used to be the safest time for me, locked in my house, comforted by my blanket, assured that even the slightest noise would bring my mom to my side.. I slept as a child dreaming and wondering about my own fairy tales. But now, the moment my office cab reaches my street, I search and spot the only house fully lit up and the short plump anxious figure of my mom waiting in the balcony and I feel safe again… but the little girl..!
Am I pitying her? I used to wonder.. I am not sure.. may be I do and may be I don’t.. ! As my philosophical friend calls it being chaste at heart is much tougher than at body, and in his eyes every women are the same.. not so pure..! I half agree with him, the rest half I ignore..

So I sat to contemplate, when did I feel restless before? Well I don’t remember, but I remember the first time I felt so..  I was in my teen and enjoying the first bus ride alone in my life.. I had pleaded my overprotective father for it. I got into the bus from my school, got a seat and was enjoying the view both inside and outside the bus. Faces and places equally fascinate me.  In one of the faces, I saw pain. She was a girl of my age, and probably going back home from school too! Her eyes wandered pleadingly at every women in the bus, but no one saw it. The bus was overcrowded, and just behind her stood a guy too close to her.

At first I did not notice his hands, but the constant movement of those filthy hands made me look harder and I saw his hands move from the girls hip until her arm pit. She pushed them away, pinched it turned to the side, but nothing stopped him, he continued harassing her. I looked away in disgust.. the bile welled up my food pipe, I felt restless for the first time in life. I got down from the bus as soon as possible and got home in a cab. I did not know if any one helped her. But I knew that it left a deep impact in her and in me, and I still cannot forget that day.. even after 10 years..

Was it guilt then? The realization that I didn’t/couldn’t help? Or the personal fear for my own? I am not sure.. or the overwhelming knowledge of bad and evil in the world.. of what lies behind those dark drapes…

 I wish to change and remove the knowledge of good and evil..  but if it leaves me… will I be innocent again..?
As this circle is like life and death.. death always comes after life.. leaves life to heel or bleed.. and then take one away. Knowledge always comes after ignorance as comprehension leaving the scars..!

16 comments:

  1. Quite a thought..i had read of a injustice in one another blog and that girl was able to help the one in danger.Sometimes when we cannot do anything i have been taught to pray for the one in need.I do that but i don't think that is enough so for it i am waiting when i am able enough to help in action.
    Woman are made to feel helpless but in reality they can defend but they won't defend(biggest problem,bigger than molestation/rape/harassment).

    Nice reading!
    all the best for the contest :)
    tc

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    1. Hey Alcina.. thanks dear.. :) you just gave some really nice points here.. the worst enemy is the unability to know the strength..!! :)

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  2. எழுத்துக்களின் அர்த்தங்கள் உணரும்படியாக உள்ளது....

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  3. This is a fact, and almost everyone who is humane might have come across such an occurence at some point of time. I was worried like this a few months back, at a fair, where I saw a teen aged girl being escorted closely by a man of her father's age. I was not able to make out the relation. I was keeping watch over them, and if required to call the Women Cell, but somehow I lost track of them, they just vanished.But still, the girl's bowed head and emotionless face, and the man's arm over her shoulder, little too tight and close for a father, disturbs me immensely..
    Good one KP, and let us know of the result of the contest:)Good Luck dear

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    1. Hey dear Pygma.. I was busy with Vishu..!! i hope u were too.. :)
      Those incidents that u have mentioned and i said.. all exists and happens every day!! and we just wont/cant/may not react and panic.. hmm.. well said dear.. and thank u!

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  4. Something worth considering..:) Lovely post.

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    1. Hello Rohit.. thanks for the visit..!! and comment..

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  5. Nice post.. Even I wish I could change this..Good luck dear.. U deserve to win:)

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    1. Oh Sonia.. you are too good..!! thank u!

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  6. The last lines were really piercing! The restlessness in life and the temporary abstention from the made-up world by encountering the reality occurs every now and then when an incident of terror or unpleasantness or harsh truths arrive at the mind with a flash of realization and contempt;) Hope I didn't make it too bombastic and complicated among so many other complications we have;P

    I enjoyed your post and what about the results?

    Regards and love KP:) I know I am too too late here and missed some of your other posts...but will catch all those soon...sorry for my absence for sometime....you are right here in my heart:)

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  7. Nicely written
    Well done yaar..cheers for the article :).
    Also Check out mine.Give your comment on it.
    Are Hijra's(TransGender) not a Human being.?

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  8. Well the way I have grown up, I have always learnt to fight for myself and for others....I wish you were more of an independent child then, to have helped her. And I really wonder what kind of a place you live in.....

    I have helped in many situations, one has to, 'cause you might never know tomorrow you could be the target too. Mumbai isn't like this, but such people are everywhere, what we need to do is learn helping others. If we turn a blind eye to such things, it only means you somewhere approve of it. I liked the post a lot :)

    Your entry would surely be chosen :)
    Cheers,

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  9. all the best! nice post :)

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  10. Hi there! You have been tagged on my blog :):)

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