Lingering from the past...

Short Story -  
I knew him the moment I saw him…We were just remotely associated in the past.. I knew him from my school... he was my senior, and we might have spoken a couple of times. But I remembered him for his historic love affair with his class mate while at school, we all loved them... they were cute pair but it seems by the end of 12th std, something messy occurred. I wouldn’t want to go into the details, let me just say that they did something that shouldn’t have been done at that age, and somehow her parents knew and took her to their native, there she ended her life in a rope... The whole school mourned for her death... he didn’t come to school after that, I heard that he was however given permission to write the exams, since he was a bright student and the big hope for a state rank.

Courtesy: Google search

But nothing happened he just wrote the exam and marginally passed. I saw him once after that incident my heart sank... he looked terrible. From those eyes I knew that no one would have loved a girl like he did... and they had been together… my friend said that a guy would never forget the first romantic encounter in his life... I said even a girl does not, she didn’t get it. She stressed on “a guy” so much... and I didn’t want to get into details... such talks freaked me out in the past... Well I was silly..!

After this many years I still feel that he was not over with that... I haven’t seen a single guy with such an amount of passion in his life for a girl, may be that is why I remembered him this well even after 12 years, or is it because for my childhood crush I had on him long before? I am not sure... and I don’t want to ponder more at this point of time....

It was a dramatic and filmy/accidental meeting or per say fateful... on that day, I got up with a very bad head ache in the morning for no apparent reason, the grocery in my fridge was also depleted... I needed to shop. I hate to shop! These little instances make me wonder if I have any little characteristics of the so called stereotyped female, I hate shopping, make up, dating and flirting too... What am I? God help me... Any way with in some half hour I was dragging myself down the stairs and walking to the super mart... How else can I kill the time on a Saturday morning.... and I needed a pill too. In the medicine section I accidentally opened a box of headache tablets and spilled it on the floor... though I call it accidental, I opened the box on purpose... all i needed was just 3 tablets and why buy a full pack of 100 was my reason, however it turned out to be bad and I was all down on four and searching the pills.

Then I saw someone laughing at me, I didn’t know why it was funny... I got up and was about to storm when I recognized those eyes and face undoubtedly... it was him... But he didn’t seem to know me

"Are you Nikil.. Nikil viswanathan?"

"hmm.. Yes but I do I know you?.."

"Hey I am Veena.. from school... your junior..!!"

He smiled with a "Oh yes! I remember you.." Then all of a sudden his smile vanished... He remembered her... Damn…my logical sense made me to divert the topic and so we began to chit chat... one thing let to another and before I knew, we were dating, There started my fairy tale. Everything about him was gentlemanly.. I couldn’t get bored or enough of it. First we just chat and then started the phone calls then the movies.. It was just like every one’s relationship and was not a bid deal, but it was happening to me, the girl uninterested in guys, the girl who snaps a guy even if he makes a friendly pass at her, so as I was saying this was different. I was sensible enough not to talk about her. I did not want her to be a Rebecca in our life. He too never spoke of her. Something told me that if he talks about her to me, then that means that he had completely surrendered to our love. It would be the Greek version of “Will you marry me..” to me.

Everything was planned for the day, an early dinner at my house, a movie in nearby theatre and then we talk, I would somehow get him to talk about her.. and bham! My position would be safe. It is in a girl, when she gives her heart completely, she demands it back and that requires a lot of smooth talk and promises and I love you’s from the guy. In that way I was a complete girl, I wanted to know from him that I meant more to him than her..

A girl can always sense the motive.. There was a strong force in the room, and both of us didn’t speak. There was a unsaid passion and intensity in his look, which I enjoyed watching. As his eyes moved down from my eyes.. Colour in my cheeks rose. My face didn’t deny or try to keep him at bay, it was inevitably inviting him, I looked at the window in the corner and wondered if my neighbour could see us, then I felt him closer to me, the kiss was the longest and most passionate one that we shared till then, as the lips parted I found myself submitting to him, no other thoughts remained.. no Rebecca.. no neighbour.. no rules.. just the passion existed like the hungry burning flame engulfing everything…

After few hours as I lay in his chest, I felt his hands playing with my curls, and then he spoke about the secrets in his life.. the deep dirty secrets, which if I knew earlier, may have created  second thoughts in me, but now, blinded with love all I can do is to smile and say how roguish he was. Then he slept, peacefully, I didn’t worry as my parents were out of station and wouldn’t reach before the day after and also because he loved me. As I watched him sleep I saw his lips murmur..

He said.. Swathi.. Swathi.. I got up, shocked to hear her name, Silent tears ran down my eyes.. I didn’t wake him. I just cried, he opened his eyes looked at me.. he didn’t notice the tears.. thanks to the dim light.. He got up sat silent for some time, and said, “There is something I wanted to tell you Veena..”

He held my hands and spoke again, “You knew about Swathi right, You were moral enough not to take her name till now, But I have to tell you... Ever since she passed away, she had been a shadow in my life.. I was guilty in the beginning, for she was my first love.. then it became a part of me.. I wanted her in my life. I wanted her love.. But she was long gone. I knew it, still I searched for her in every women I saw and dated. Somewhere in the middle of the relationship I would feel them unworthy and would long for her, in those times her image intensified in my mind that made me nauseous to see the other girls.. But after I met you, something changed, I fell in love all over again you were different and simple and plain, you loved me like a child would adore her best doll... and tonight, I saw the passion in your eyes that I saw in hers once.. I feel at peace. Then I dreamed of her leaving me.. flying away.. Earlier It used to pain me tear me apart, but today I was happy and contend to leave her. To let go of her.. cause I have you and would never ever let go of you.. I love you Veena… and I promise that her shadow would never exist in our life”

He said that and hugged me, I cried more.. He soothingly enquired why? I said.. Nikil I love you.. and I am tired now.. let’s get back to sleep.. We have an life time to talk and together….